when Aphrodite got it all wrong

The Hyderabad times quiz “How Romantic Are You?”
Please mark the option closest to your answer

1. Your idea of a perfect dinner date
A. candle light dinner at restaurant
B. dinner cooked by you with love and some wine
C. pan pizza at your favorite pizza hut outlet

2. The perfect gift
A. flowers
B. perfume
C. music cd

3. The perfect “I miss you” signal
A. missed call
B. make a call, tell him/ her how much you miss him
C. sms

4. The perfect holiday
A. hills
B. beach
C. amusement park

5. Your turn ons
A. candlelight
B. public display of affection
C. thunderstorms
Maximum As: you epitomize everything romantic
Maximum Bs: romantic however desperate too
Maximum Cs: you need help.


Heights of joblessness coupled with frustration prompted me to take the above quiz on a Thursday evening. To know the cause of my frustration readers kindly refer footnote1. Some quiz to determine how good I was at the art of falling in love. The results were equally disappointing I scored maximum Cs. Aphrodite did a poor job. I NEED HELP.
But wait I can explain myself and my choice of answers.
1. (C) pan pizza at my favourite pizza hut.
I just don’t get it. How can u sit with a guy in candlelight dude! You can’t see him properly, forget that what about lack of visibility of food. Someone remember I wear glasses. Now food cooked with love by me. That for sure would be my last date. It would definitely have loads of love and yeah loads of salt too. Pan pizza at pizza hut is the best idea babe, I love their balloons and never dying enthu of the place. I would have loved to choose (D) dinner at nanking. Nothing can beat the pleasure of staring at busy roads and cute guys who pass by ;). Someone, guess it was William Henry Davies, said it right, “What is this life if full of care, We have no time to stand and stare”
2 (C) music cd
Flowers wither away. They don’t last beyond a week my dear. And about perfume, you never get the right one, waise I do take my bath .Music CDs!!! Anytime. The re-writable ones preferably
3 (C) sms
I hate missed calls. Which dictionary in the world says missed calls= I miss you. It could very well mean, “I am bugged so let me bug you”. Ringing up. Impossible I hardly ever have the balance. SMS is the way to use your mobile especially considering the fact that airtel charges me a meager 25 paisa for a national sms. No, you don’t have to show me your teeth. I aint lending you my phone.
4 (C) the amusement park
Undoubtedly the best place for some fun, thrills and entertainment. I wouldn’t mind the other two options either. I chumma love holidaying ra!!
5 (C) thunderstorms
Candlelight!!!! Not again, told you once right. I wear glasses. PDA!!! Why should someone kissing somebody else turn me on?. I would rather have my bf give me a French one. Thunderstorms. Now that is something exciting. Hey Times, do I have an option for sarcasm or a decent sense of humour!!

I am disappointed. Pragmatic, sensible, simple ( and I am modest too!!) everything I that thought I was is suddenly replaced with “I NEED HELP”!!!!
I am single. I am bothered.
1. with friends back home asking, “What!! You are still single!!!” [ okay, I dint know it was a crime]. “ Az you have to find a guy yourself. You never can trust arranged marriages to work”
2. With a certain senior of mine popularly known by the name of a flightless bird asking me every now and then “mole, you still not married!!”. Refer footnote2 for the reason of the statement. [For the ignorant, mole is not a rodent; neither does it translate to spy. Mole means daughter in Malayalam. ]
3. I stand tall at five feet and a little less than half an inch. Finding a guy with compatible height is an impossible task. I am told to look at 8th grade kids!!!
4. With my 80 something granma reminding me and my mom every now and then, “pothu pole valuthaayi annittum oru adukala paniyum ariyilla, kurachu naal kazhiyumbol ketichu veedanulathaa”. The statement in quotes literarily translates to, “you have grown as big as a guy buffalo and you still don’t know to do anything in the kitchen, you have to get married in some time”. I dint know buffaloes knew how to cook. Waise, she should have called me an eruma right . [ for the non malli, eruma= girl buffalo, pothu= guy buffalo]
5. Topping all the above reasons. I aint romantic. I need help!!


A little of thinking over and yeah I am back to the sensible me again. I aint romantic. Big deal!!. I am still single. Bigger deal!!. But I am independent. Yippee!! I got the freedom to look at any cute, tall dark/ fair handsome guy. [Readers kindly note I am strictly against apartheid.]. I don’t have to be bothered about finding a guy, running around a tree with him and then go through the painful process of telling my parents why all of a sudden he means more to me than they who brought me up all my life. I am a free bird. Yahoo!!! [Not the internet services company. I meant yahoo as in yippee]



Foot note1: I have my engineering graphics lab on Thursday. No matter how well I do my chart the prof manages to give me 5 on 10, and tell me, “you will get a C grade. you are an ammai!! You are supposed to draw neat”. Someone please talk about gender equality. Btw ammai doesn’t mean mom. It is the telugu word for girl and yeah profs don’t lie. I did get a C

Footnote2: Muslim malayali girls especially if you have your roots in the Malabar region get married very early. I should have had two kids by now.

PS1:with due respect, I don’t belong to the age of the meanderthal man. I can’t afford to deviate in my posts. Hence the footnotes :D
PS2: thankfully I don’t remember the rest of the questions of the quiz


Disclaimer: this is not as an advertisement towards my “I am single” status.